this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
