I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
