Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
