My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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