based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
