Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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