dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
