i love accidental penises.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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