It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
