so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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