i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
