The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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