just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
