My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
