Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
