Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
