Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...