i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
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This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
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I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success