Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My liver can't handle being unemployed!