i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
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Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
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True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence