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omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
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