I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I could fuck to npr.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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