just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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