Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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