this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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