I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
