Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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