i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.