youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.