It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
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Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!