Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He has the fingertips of a God
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