I faked an abortion last night.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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