I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
