Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
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