Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
