I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
