Will you blow on my dice?
My balls are so social today.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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