I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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