shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
