I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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