So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
