He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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