I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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