she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
