kristin has been a bad kristin
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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