hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
