Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
