Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So squirting runs in the family.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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