My first STD was from a foam party
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm just crazy horny about you
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
