he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
