i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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