I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
