I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
