I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
