There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
