Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
