In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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