I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
What a dumb baby whore.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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