Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
