the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
