i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
