Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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