did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
