Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
youre lurking in front of me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
