His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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