They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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