Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Randomize
