I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
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