I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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