Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
