Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
