1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
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what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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