I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Your cock deserves a montage
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
