the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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