So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize