the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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